Adventurer·Bear with me·The Misconceptions of You and Me·Uncategorized

Nexus

Hola, volví, haha. . . Me sigo topando con gente que me habla, se me acerca y me dice que siguieron cada pasito que dí en mi viaje, y de verdad se los agradezco mucho. Sólo quería plasmar un poco mi experiencia y hacerla más interesante. Quizás darle fuerzas a alguna otra Pan de un tiempo anterior a mí, demasiado aterrada de atreverse. Demasiado cobarde y pasiva como para dar un salto de fé.

Han pasado un par de semanas desde que llegué. Y en verdad pensé que sería totalmente distinto. Volví a lo mismo, estoy trabajando en Starbucks de nuevo, teniendo los mismos problemas de mierda, la misma vida frustrante al máximo. De verdad me sentía con fuerzas, con ganas y distinta para enfrentar todo de nuevo. Pero no pude. Recordé cuánto quería irme a vivir sola, cuan problemática es mi casa. Cuan rutinaria es la vida acá. Cuan nada es Chile. Cuan fuera de lugar me he sentido siempre. Y si, mi vida es un hoyo mucho mas oscuro de lo que lo hago parecer.

Esa sensación culiada de sentir que no perteneces al lugar en donde estás. Antes lo creía, pero ahora tengo la certeza. Sé que hay más, que en otro lado soy feliz a diario, o al menos podría llegar a serlo si pudiera estar allá. Quiero irme, irme y no volver. Suena difícil, casi imposible. Pero en realidad. . . estoy dispuesta a hacer lo que sea por hacerlo. Tengo un plan, uno maestro. . . para empezar el caminito de las cosas que quiero lograr. Aún no es seguro. . . el miércoles voy a saber realmente si me resulta o no. Y en verdad espero, que sea el inicio de todo lo que quiero. . . si no. . . bueno, aún no lo pienso. Dicen que si uno plasma por escrito lo que uno quiere, uno se predispone a que las cosas pasen. Pero esta vez no quiero ilusionarme y luego irme a piso. Quiero ir despacio. Y si resulta, lo gritaré con ganas.

Por mientras estoy flotando en la nada, esperando que las cosas pasen para yo poder hacer algo al respecto. Mover el mundo, y hacer que las cosas pasen. Se viene el concierto de SHINee el 6 de Abril y no podría estar más emocionada. Allá en Hong Kong me compré un CD y lo escucho a diario. Los amo. Desde el inicio de los tiempos, cuando eran más pavitos y Taemin tenía el pelo horrible y un sex apeal negativo. Luego en Mayo se viene el concierto de 30 Seconds to Mars. . . eso estará bueno. Al menos eso me tienes con ganas por ahora.
Eso y hablar por Skype a diario.
Estar más enamorada que la chucha.
Esperar, esperar lo que sea necesario.
Luego hablaré de eso ~ ❤

Uncategorized

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`’Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door –
Only this, and nothing more.’

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; – vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow – sorrow for the lost Lenore –
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore –
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me – filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door –
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; –
This it is, and nothing more,’

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,’ said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you’ – here I opened wide the door; –
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!’
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!’
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,’ said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore –
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; –
‘Tis the wind and nothing more!’

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door –
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door –
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,’ I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore –
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning – little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door –
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.’

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered – not a feather then he fluttered –
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before –
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.’
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.’

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,’ said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore –
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of “Never-nevermore.”‘

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore –
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.’

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o’er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o’er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,’ I cried, `thy God hath lent thee – by these angels he has sent thee
Respite – respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’

`Prophet!’ said I, `thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil! –
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted –
On this home by horror haunted – tell me truly, I implore –
Is there – is there balm in Gilead? – tell me – tell me, I implore!’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’

`Prophet!’ said I, `thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us – by that God we both adore –
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore –
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!’ I shrieked upstarting –
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! – quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted – nevermore!

Uncategorized

Creeping Shadows pt.2

After visiting the funerary art of Qin, i decided to go for a haircut… trying to change something in me… even if it sounds zomfg superficial. But i think that i NEED to start doing something about me and this depressive state.

It isn’t that short actually. I cut both right and left side, so looking by this angle it looks shooort ~

[Trinity Blood] <33

[Amatsuki] !!~ *DD*

Uncategorized

Creeping Shadows

Summer isn’t making effort to appear soon… I feel cold the whole day. Or maybe it is just me.

On monday I went to the Terracotan Army exhibition in my country. It was an awesome sight and very interesting tour, wich made me remember how much I love that culture –since i was little– and how obstinated I am with travelling there someday ~

Uncategorized

Faded to Black ~

El pasado 17 de Octubre, asistì al concierto de Miyavi *3333* en su ùltimo tour : Neo Tokyo Samurai Black Tour, y fue sin duda de lo mejor !! tiene una habilidad increíble para tocar y hacer un gran espectáculo en el escenario, realmente me encantó *D* ~  !!

Neo Tokyo Samurai Black Tour
Neo Tokyo Samurai Black Tour

También estoy esperando que llegue una peluca que encarguè; y ojalá llegue pronto, me muero de ganas de cosplayar mas >333333< ~