Life has so many possibilities, tiny decisions we take, so many surprises that you won’t ever see them coming. It feels like luck, fate, destiny or whatsoever has the last word on every chapter in our lifes. There is no much left for us to choose. The end of our lifes are not in us to decide
(well, most of the times…), but it is the way we live. I’m not sure how I feel about this right now. When the phone rang I knew they were bad news. A family broke apart with no chance to say goodbye. So sudden. Out of nothing. I started to feel like watching a movie. I left that moment and couldn’t feel anything. I covered my mouth and I just felt cold, so cold. Everyone started to cry desperately. I didn’t knew what to say or what to do. That moment felt so unreal, so distant and white. It felt like ages. When I was able to move again, I was in charge to start calling the whole family. I was the one to remind them to be calm. I went outside and started to call while lighting my cigarrette. I needed to get our of there.
We are in our way to the hospital right now, so my cousins can –somehow– say goodbye to his father. The traffic ain’t helping. It was the twins birthday today. That’s why my sister and I were there. Everyone is crying. Getting there is going to be a disaster. Is cold as fuck. There is no rain today. Everything feels so uncomfortable. I don’t know what to say. I just noticed that I’ve been the only one who hasn’t cried. I guess this is how life is. Uncertain. Surprising. Made of certain moment of joy. And white moments like this.