The End Begins Here

Yesterday I assisted to my first chinese lesson, which was more than interesting. I loved it ~~.

My Teacher, Ketty, was a very nice person; she told us many things about China, their culture, language and people. We started with basical phrases, which changes tones in every word. It’s difficult, but logical.

Today I woke up at 4:50 am, which has been a normal time for me since a long time ago. I cannot sleep more than that, and I don’t feel tired or sleepy during the day. But what I hate the most about it: are nightmares… I have them every night, every week. It’s very exhausting… I’m not sure if I’ll be able to handle this more time… even when I don’t have them: I dream. And I know everybody does every night… but most of them doesn’t remember when they woke up (true fact) but I remember each dream, each nightmare… all nights. Not even pills have been able to stop that.

I felt ready to visit my old school, where classes started on Monday. I just went to say hi… to my ex-teachers, those who I really liked. Everybody said a nice “Hi, how are you feeling now?” to me. They told me I was thinner. And I’m realizing that now… I’ve already lost 20 kg. I looked better they said… I had a different smile… a sincere one.

To be honest… I never expected anything from my ex-classmates. None one ever asked me why did I leaved or what did happened to me. Not even now, that class already started and I wasn’t there.

But I felt… missed. When everybody (oh, well… most of it) got out of their new classroom to meet me. They asked how was I, what was I gonna do about PSU, etc. I told them about my Chinese lessons, free exams, and that I was feeling better. Some even hugged me!

I cannot explain it very well but… even when I’m not coming back. I feel like a (little) part of it.

Yet I don’t know if I feel happy and glad to leave this part of my life… or I’ll be regretting this the rest of it.



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